


tabloid chime crime

by haxxorbitch



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, makocass if you squint, this was very fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 17:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17605865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haxxorbitch/pseuds/haxxorbitch
Summary: the media thinks cass and aria are dating because of jobs. everyone involved finds it fucking hilarious





	tabloid chime crime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stellarer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarer/gifts).



cass is familiar with the sounds of mako and aria losing their shit early in the morning. and so, according to the watch built into their prosthetic arm, they wake up at four twenty-three a.m.

 

the details of last night’s job flood in with their awareness of how stiff their clothes are. they’d gone to some fancy place for recon and thievery. they, along with aria, had spoken with various diplomats and eaten food that wasn’t even that good, along with wine that tasted watered down and soapy.

 

the golden gala was made out to be a great big honour when they were younger, but they always found it boring. the discussions with prestigious and important people had not revealed much about their mission. in fact, the discussions with prestigious and important people had only revealed that the gala had not changed at all from when they were younger.

 

for a moment, they keep their eyes closed, listening to aria’s real laugh, the one with a snort, and mako’s halfway mix between a cackle and a wheeze, filled with assorted squeaks. damn kingdom come, with its thin walls.

 

they realize, upon opening their eyes, that thin walls are maybe not the problem. they’d  fallen asleep in the medbay stitching up a small tear in their suit. they’re being woken up because it’s just down the hall from aria’s room, and judging by the way light is spilling into the place, her door is open.

 

their neck is aching something awful, but with being awake, they notice there’s a pillow haphazardly placed between their arm and their face.

 

they squint when they notice a small slip of paper, and move their watch so the light is shining on it and they can read it. it’s a note, in mako’s pink glitter pen chicken-scratch. they’re thankful that they’ve been able to work out a way to read his writing, which is pretty much it’s own unique cipher.

 

‘got the lights for u ;P u have a bed for a reason cass. p.s., _PLEASE_ come see me and ar when you see this. its important!’

 

cass is kind of scared to know what mako thinks is important, and briefly debates bothering audy to check that nothing on the ship has been destroyed before they stop by aria’s room. the last ‘important’ thing mako had to show them was the levels of breakability that various trinkets about the kingdom come were on. if that’s the case, they’re going to give both him and aria a stern talking to about how breaking things for fun is neither productive nor important.

 

they decide not to; audy is usually watching buffy or something at this time of night, because it’s just about the only time that they can get peace and quiet. with aria (usually) asleep, and mako (usually) holed up in his room to watch some shitty anime, and them (usually) working on plans, there is no one to pester them.

 

so, they make their way straight to aria’s room, and lean in the doorway. mako is splayed in aria’s lap, head buried into her pillow, laughter not at all muffled. aria has her head leaned back on the bed, shaking as she wheezes.

 

“what’s so funny?” cass asks, after a moment.

 

“ _cassander!”_ mako scrambles off of aria’s lap to run to the door and grab their wrist. they let themself be led to the floor where the two were sitting, and then pulled down. mako readjusts himself to lay over them both. aria is still laughing.

 

“what is it?” cass repeats. they aren’t too sure of the reason for the amusement of their friends, but the way that mako and aria are both utterly losing their shit fills them with a warm kind of curiosity. they also become sort of infected with the laughter, letting a quiet chuckle escape as mako readjusts.

 

“okay, okay, alright.” aria takes a breath, and then explodes into giggles again for a few moments. “okay. um, hi. hi.”

 

“hi, aria,” they say, amused.

 

“so. just,” she waves her hand and then buries her face into cass’ jacket, shaking with silent laughter.

 

“the, uh, well. y’know how people saw you guys at the fancy ball?” mako offers, which is the most helpful thing that cass has heard the the past bit. “because you were being all like, fuckin, investigate-y while i did hacking?”

 

cass nods. “i’d be aware of that, yes.”

 

mako tries to compose himself as lifts his arm up a bit, and taps his wrist computer once or twice. a holoscreen flashes up. cass straightens slightly to read it, as mako bursts into laughter again.

  


**_CASSANDER TIMAEUS BERENICE AND ARIA JOIE - ROMANCE ?_ **

 

**__ **

 

 

cass can’t help themself; they double over, bumping mako’s shoulder and causing aria to slip off their own. she quickly readjusts to be leaned over their back. after a few minutes of this, cass pushes themselves up to read the actual story. aria leans her head back against the bed and mako pretends to not be watching their reaction.

  


_Everyone knows that the Golden Gala, the annual ball bringing together people from all over the Sector, occurred just a few days ago. Not everyone knows that Cassander Timaeus Berenice, child of the Apostolosian ruling house, Pelagios, and Aria Joie, famed Earth Home pop star, were in attendance. And, a more intriguing detail; the two arrived together._

 

_Not many images were captured by cameras on this fine night, but the above image was taken by a photographer near the exits of the event. The two are not amping up their previous appearances, and instead, appear to be going incognito. The photographer also reported hearing them speak with someone on Joie’s holoscreen._

 

_The two appear are close together, and Berenice seems to be regarding their acquaintance fondly. That leaves the public to wonder what exactly is going on between the two. Attending such a prestigious event together, even while being secretive - especially while being secretive - has nods to either some kind of connections between OriCon and Apostolos, or even, perhaps, a love affair?_

  


the last part really sells it for cass. they can’t stop laughing, and quickly, mako and aria fall back into their fits. the sound swells throughout the kingdom come, and eventually, after what feels like hours but narrows down to approximately ten minutes, mako says, “could you fucking _imagine_?”

 

aria lifts her head from cass’ back. “i don’t know, i think cass and i,” she pauses to laugh again for a minute, “i think we could pass, for a couple? we fucking…” she starts laughing again, pressing her face in her hands, “we have an intricate fistbump!”

 

“the fistbump is dumb,” says cass, trying to acclimate themself to breathing properly. “we have to figure out a hand-holding type of fistbump to pass for a couple.” aria starts wheezing again and presses her hand to her mouth. “no, not like that, aria,” they continue, and she descends back into cackles.

 

“the fistbump isn’t _that_ dumb,” mako protests. “but it doesn’t count or help you guys at all! i’m _also_ involved in the fistbump, so,”

 

“yeah but the fistbump -” cass has to stop themselves to wipe their eyes. “the fistbump _out of context,_ mako. it’s wildly indicative of _way_ too much time spent together, and also, it _is_ super dumb.”

 

“i designed that fistbump!” mako puts a hand to his heart and glares up at cass. “i laboured over it for _days -_ ”

 

“an hour,” corrects aria, “and you kept getting up to pace and talk about how cool it would be. i did most of the flourishes.”

 

“yeah well it has planning behind it, and that’s cass’ whole _deal,_ so like, flourishes and planning, um, and coolness, it’s got all of us in it. i’m fucking radical, you two. you have no respect for me! you’re forgetting me because you got famous -”

 

“we’re both already kind of famous, mako,” cass comments, finally having collected themself. mako rolls his eyes at them. “but you’re not really helping the case of the fistbump being without implications. if it’s got planning _and_ flourishes, which nod to aria and i, it seems pretty … you know… friendly.”

 

“i fucking hate this family.” mumbles mako.

 

they eventually disembark from aria’s room for breakfast, but not before mako spends some time latching onto the signal of the photo and tracing it back, then clearing all other pictures taken by the same person that night and other instances, complaining both that they got caught by cameras and excluded him from the fistbump.

  
  
  


the next job they go on is pure recon. rumblings of _something_ that’s not quite right had been heard, and it was thought best by orth that they do some investigating. however, most of the chime’s job had ended with threatening a guy into giving them the information’s mesh location.

 

the location is in a secure and unfortunately posh internet cafe. aria, cass, and audy end up keeping guard in a small room with mako splayed out on a couch, completely immersed. aria and cass sink into chairs so comfortable that it pushes the edges of being disconcerting while audy stands.

 

after something close to twenty minutes, aria hops out of her chair and begins to pace. after thirty, cass does the same. the two walk grooves in the tiny room, until eventually audy lets out a sound that’s approximate to a sigh.

 

“i can watch him if you two want to get yourselves a coffee or lunch.”

 

cass lets out a sigh of relief, and aria laughs gratefully and begins to thank audy, but they just hold up a hand and let out their rattling sort of chuckle. “don’t get caught by the paparazzi again, you two.”  


“that wasn’t on purpose -”

 

“won’t happen again!” aria says cheerfully. “i’m good at avoiding them.” she grabs cass’ arm, cutting off their defense, and nearly drags them out of the claustrophobic space. the two walk in relative silence to the building’s cafeteria, glancing around for any unaccounted for cameras.

 

once they get to the cafe, aria orders a hot chocolate with whipped cream for herself and recites mako’s order. it takes her about a minute and a half, and cass loses what she’s saying once she gets into just how many packets of sugar to put in. when she asks the poor barista to put it in a thermos after all that, they are turned to. when they order a black coffee, said barista lets out an ‘ _oh thank fuck’_ under their breath.

 

there isn’t really a sitting area, but cass really doesn’t like the idea of heading back to the tiny room in which mako is hacking in. they move as slowly as they can back towards the room, stopping to glance at various holoscreens with information about immersion or new games.

 

after the umpteemth “wait, hold on,” aria lets out a friendly sigh.

 

“d’you wanna go outside for a bit? i think i saw a little picnic table area when we were walking here.” at cass’ obvious confusion, she smiles and offers lightly, “it’d be better than letting our drinks go cold.”

 

they give a sheepish nod and follow her outside. it’s a bit chilly - damn artificial seasons. it occurs to cass that they’d left their standard medic’s jacket back with a certain hacker, because he’d been wearing literally only a see-through t-shirt.

 

eventually they get to the aforementioned area, which lacks glamour, to say the least. it’s obviously fallen out of use, with the tables a bit creaky, but it works for cass. aria hops up on the table while they sit down on the bench. the table shifts and squeaks, but doesn’t do much else.

 

after a couple sips of coffee, they realize that perhaps they did not plan this out very well. the cold is getting to them, and they debate going back inside but then remember just how fucking small that room was and decide against suggesting it.

 

aria had appeared pretty observed in her phone or hot chocolate, but suddenly breaks the silence with “you’re cold.” cass looks up to see her giving them a concerned look and raises their eyebrows.

 

“what gives you that impression?”

 

“you’re holding onto that coffee like you’re gonna die without it, for one.”

 

“i mean, i’d have a headache. caffeine is addictive.”

 

she rolls her eyes at them. “you don’t hold your coffee like, with your whole hands, usually. you’re using both.” they look down and notice that she’s right and chuckle slightly. “do you wanna go in?”

 

“no, that room is _uncomfortably_ small and mako is probably messing around in the mesh, anyway. you know how he is.”

 

“fair,” she says, and then pauses as her phone vibrates on the table. out of habit, she glances over to it, and then laughs. “actually, true, just got a message from him.”

 

cass snorts. “speak of the devil...”

 

“and he shall appear!” she finishes brightly and picks up her phone. “looks like he’s been fucking around for real. keeping an eye on us, he says. there’s a camera facing us - wave ooooover,” she looks around at some buildings and then nods to an apartment’s balcony. “there!”

 

cass waves, as does aria. the phone vibrates again.

 

“aaaand now he’s telling me to give you my jacket because you’re super obviously freezing your ass off and he doesn’t want our doctor to catch a cold.” she pauses, as do they. “i think he’s actually probably right, hate to admit it.”

 

“you need your jacket,” they protest, but she’s already shaking her head and tugging it off. “no, really, aria, i’m a doctor, i’m not going to get a cold from this.” she hands it to them and they stare at it. she gives them a glare and pushes it more firmly into their hands.

 

they slide it on after a moment. thankfully, aria has the sense to wear layers. she’s got a light jacket and a hoodie on. but, to be fair, they don’t usually really need layers - their jacket is pretty well insulated and they’d overheat - but _still._ “tell me if _you_ get cold, please.”

 

she laughs. “i’ll be fine, it’s only for a bit, right?”

 

there is a very bright flash, and cass and aria both immediately look towards it. a sheepish looking man nods at them, an actual camera hanging around his neck. cass sighs and says dryly, “you have to turn the flash off with those,” but he’s gone before the full sentence has left their mouth.

 

cass sighs. “damn journalists.”

 

“careful, my best friend is a journalist.” cass begins to apologize, but aria laughs and they realize that she was joking and feel immediately pretty embarrassed. there’s a moment of silence, and then she says, “welp, at least they’re probably gonna lean into the ‘we’re dating’ thing. could be funny.”

 

they chuckle at the thought. there’s a silence for a brief moment as they take a sip of their coffee and she types on her phone. a realization dawns over cass after she laughs at a text. “there’s no way he didn’t know.”

 

she looks up. “yeah, no, he’s absolutely fucking with us.”

 

“who’s fucking with you?” audy’s voice comes from absolutely nowhere, and cass nearly spills their coffee because of it. they look behind them and see, in addition to audy, mako scrambling out off a ‘getting ready to sneak up on cass’ pose. he whistles.

 

“mako,” cass glares at him. “he just got an intern a great photo op.”

 

“it’s gonna be hilarious!” mako throws his arms up and then winks at cass and aria. “just _imagine_ the article, they’re gonna be talkin’ about like, how you guys are totally in love and uh, what are those marriages called where they do them for the sake of like, treaties? those marriages. arranged? no, that’s not right. fuckin’...”

 

“political marriages,” cass introjects, eyes still narrowed.

 

“yeaaaaah! those. those ones! the political ones. yes. okay, so there’s gonna be that, i’m calling it, and like, then they’re gonna talk about like… evidence and shit against it, and then evidence _for_ it and…”

 

as he’s talking, audy steps over to mako and picks him up. he makes a sound halfway between that of delight and surprise. cass watches as he relaxes and seems excited for a free carry to the ship, and then as he realizes that audy is walking over to the fountain, and then as he tries desperately to scramble out of their grasp.

 

he does not succeed and ends up complaining about being soaked  the whole way back to the ship.

 

“he was kind of right,” aria says, flopping down next to cass on the common room sofa. they’ve been reading a new-found site detailing most of the political tensions and things leading up to the golden war - right now, a particular skirmish between oricon and the diaspora was under review. they look at her and tilt their head.

 

to answer, she taps a couple things on her own arm, and brings up her holoscreen. the soft glow makes cass realizes how dark the room is and they consider asking her what she’s doing up anyway, but then remembers she just got back from a date or… something, with jacqui green (they have no idea what to make of this) and disregards it.

 

they squint a bit at her holo, as it’s not nightmoded like theirs, but they do manage gather the article despite the glare.

  


**A SECRET ROMANCE?**

 

****

  


_One of our reporters, while out and about, caught a rare public display of affection between Aria Joie and Cassander Timaeus Berenice._

 

_The two appeared to be on a mundane coffee date. Joie, seated on an old picnic table, realized that her partner was without a jacket. She pulled off her own and handed it to them, an act reserved traditionally for those in a relationship._

 

_In addition to this, the two attended the Golden Gala earlier this month and were being flirtatious --_

  


cass has been laughing this entire time, but the sound swells at _flirtatious._ “we - we were sniping at each other the whole time?”

  


“flirting is just being super mean to your friends because you’re bored,” she slugs them lightly on the shoulder, smiling lightly. “keep going, it gets dumber.”

 

 

_\-- and left together. They have also been spotted at several other events. On occasion, the two have been seen wearing matching rings emblazoned with a bell. Fans of Joie would know her as ‘Precious Bell’, and the rings are the strongest indicator of something more than just diplomacy going on._

 

_Keep an eye out for more._

  


“the stupid rings that mako bought for us?”

 

“yeah!” a chuckle seeps into her voice again as she flashes hers, grinning broadly. “these mean we’re married now, i guess?”

 

“we’re also married to audy and mako,” cass says, and ignores the smirk that aria gives them at the latter. “we really should do something about this, though, before the apokine or some oricon emissary starts a stupid conversation with us.”

 

“yeah…” she looks at the holoscreen for a moment before dismissing it. “any ideas?”

 

they pause, staring at the ceiling. there’s a small crack, and they’re worried momentarily about it before they realize it’s probably just in the tile. still, they’ll have to get something to repair the break. wait. “we could break up.”

 

they feel her confused glance without even looking at her, and push themselves off the couch to pace. “we let them think we _are_ dating, but the next job we have that has any sort of fancy elements, we make a scene.”

 

aria nods diligently. “okay, a scene. yeah, good idea! we gotta bring in the fireworks, though. if they want a story, we can give them a story.”

 

cass smiles. “i’m gonna go grab the whiteboard.”

  
  
  


**LOVE GOES UP IN FLAMES**

  


_The halls of the Degree club were mysteriously burnt to the ground last night. However, the club wasn’t the only thing left in ashes after the evening was up._

 

_The club was holding a prestigious and high-profile reveal event when a sudden argument broke out between one of the most talked about couples in the sector. Things quickly quieted as Cassander Timaeus Berenice and Aria Joie insulted each other, and the club watched with bated breath as Berenice finally spat, "We’re done!" and stormed out._

 

_Joie remained for a few moments, looking visibly distressed and sad, before also leaving. The rest of the night fell to a fire of unknown origin roughly thirty seconds after. There were no casualties, but the product to be revealed was unfortunately lost to the fire. Authorities have claimed that the object actually appears to be the first thing that caught on fire, and is perhaps the source of it._

 

_No matter the fire’s origin, we can all agree that the club just couldn’t handle the heat of the argument._

  


( the rest of the chime finds out just what mako meant by ‘destroying the unethical product’ the next morning. they’re situated in the kitchen when aria brings up the newspaper that’d been hounding their relationship on her holoscreen.

 

mako looks ridiculously proud of himself.

 

“the fire wasn’t part of the plan,” cass scolds. “you were just supposed to get rid of it.”

 

“i don’t know,” aria shrugs at mako, smiling. “i think it was pretty cool.”

 

“please stop getting newspaper articles written about us.” says audy. )


End file.
